Teal

I've been reading The Onion for a while now - I want the job of the guy who invents hard-news stories for arbitrary events.

Mugger Can't Believe Crap Victim Has On MP3 Player BOSTON—Following the successful mugging of a jogger in Franklin Park, petty criminal Derek Mesker announced Monday that he cannot believe the shit he's found on his victim's Philips 20GB MP3 player. "3 Doors Down? Maroon 5!" Mesker said, scrolling through the songs. "The new Counting Crows?! Man, I'm glad I pistol-whipped that motherfuck." Mesker added that the first thing he did was toss the device's "gay-ass" teal neoprene case.

Coincidentally, this is also the line for general content in Grahamstown's local rag "Grocott's Mail", but of course, the residents consider it real news. All hilarity is thus lost.