The tale of the annoying aunt

Who I hope hope hope never reads this post.

AA arrives. Things seem okay, as strained as they always are - we've never got on. I know it, she knows it, we've never spoken about it. She always tries hard, but in the wrong type of way. I don't know what the right type of way might be, but the stuff she does definitely falls into the con column.

For example, the night she arrives, I am watching Leno and Conan in my room, she hears this, and proceeds to come into my room and actually GET INTO MY BED WITH ME to watch. Couple this with her wheezing induced by a lifelong addiction to cigarettes, and her spastic toe which I can't see at this time but I KNOW is under my duvet and could touch my foot at any given time. That toe is HIDEOUS.

I can hear her chew her food. Not the actual food, nor her teeth, but her JAW which must have some cartilage floating SOMEWHERE because it crackles at every chew.

But the worst con... she is extremely argumentative. Last night, while drinking far too much for a work night, a dude I also CANNOT HANDLE came and sat at our table and disagreed with me.
Now I'm all for a little argumentative discussion but this ASS and my AUNT share a common way of thinking that grates this girl's carrot. It's quite possibly a character flaw on my part, but I feel it doesn't make for enjoyable conversation when the person you're talking to sees everything you say as an opportunity to jump in, tell you you're wrong, and go on to explain why you have a weak brain and they are ace at everything.

So she's here, and here to stay, until a while after New Years, methinks. Now that my room can't even function as a safe haven, I'm pretty screwed.