People react in strange ways. My mother keeps sending me motivational texts. My sister seems desperate for any news. Some friends tell me he’ll realise it’s a mistake and ask me back. Others tell me to cut my losses entirely and forget about him.
It is of course completely right that I do this the way I want to. Which so far been to trust the way I’ve felt about each thing that has happened – trust my gut. I refuse to feel ‘weak’ and like I’m ‘giving him the power’ if I call him. And if I don’t want to speak to him, or feel like if I do I’ll rant and be nasty, I won’t feel like I’m being unreasonable.
I think that worst part of all of this has been the realisation that everything I saw us becoming has had to be dissolved. It’s been tough to vocalise the things I thought were in the future for us; they had been unspoken for so long and I guess had become entrenched in my view of our relationship. Saying goodbye to the life I had made for us in my head left me feeling like a puppet hanging up between scenes – loose-limbed, without purpose, vacant.
I’m going to become this girl, aren’t I? I’m going to become the girl who can’t ever get over him.
This is a 
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