Dear Nelly Furtado,

New Nelly.

My boyfriend is spending the day playing hockey, and as such I have free time, and really should be cleaning up the flat, or playing a mental game of 'will she/won't she' with the pecan pie in the kitchen, so I'm going to avoid those things altogether and blog. You happen to be the unfortunate subject of this post, Ms Furtado.

Old Nelly.

I'm really torn with whether to like you now or not. I'm tempted to ask, what happened? Why did you go from fresh-faced, sweet, intelligent, smartly sexy Nelly to trashy, red-lipsticked, ho-bag Nelly? From "I'm Like A Bird" to "I'm, Like, Totally Easy"? The reason for my irritation towards you is your image. Chicka, I dunno if you hired a new stylist or what but you've gone from a comfortable, almost edgy point on the spectrum right the way to the wrong end:

New Nelly.

Old Nelly being: quirky, cute, smart, likeable
New Nelly being: stanky, a bit dodgy, sexy but like too sexy, yeah?

Old Nelly.

But I am a little torn here because while your songs are named 'Maneater' and 'Promiscuous' and your album's entitled 'Loose', the music ain't half bad! I love the hook up with Timbaland, I like the folky stuff that's hidden away round back, I like that you've gone a bit experimental, you're talking and not singing in some, it's good stuff!

New Nelly.

That said, I am pretty much wholly switched off by the new look.

Old Nelly.

Go back to what you were doing, it was working! Keeping it fresh is good, but right now you look anything but. Gone are the simple white vests on deep tan, cute furry jackets and attitude look, now it's chavvy earrings, every strap you wear hangs off your arm (how eighties!) and a look that screams 'I'd blow your mind baby but I probably need to have a shower first'. Some may disagree but I think the whole problem is that you're giving us too much, it's like there's no present to unwrap, there's no mystery left. You're not being Lil' Kim about it, fair enough, but that's just not you anyway. Even on a mildly slutty level, you reach the same lows.

New Nelly.

Rocking the hair, though, I'll give you that.

Nat