I go back to SA in two days. I don't have any certainty about my future.

I can't really write about it either, and this has been consuming me for months. I need someone I don't know, to decide that I'm an ok person, to tick yes and give me the next 3 years of my life.

I'm scared. It's stupid. I'm sorry to all my friends whose ears I've been bending. Because this is ALL I THINK ABOUT. So I have to write something, even if it's in vague terms.

On the happier side, I'm going to see my parents, my friends and my dogs. I think I still have friends. I know I still have parents. The dogs are by no means a certainty - I came home from uni once to find we were a dog down on our usual number. He died during exams. Yeah, that sucked. He was a good dog. He did stink though.

So if I'm quiet it's not because I'm lazy, well, there's another 10% in it, and that's fear of jinxing myself. I'll be hitting some tan and some G&T, wondering what went wrong with 5FM and meeting my brand new baby cousin for the very first time.

Send me good vibes xxx

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Dan found this cool thing, here's my cool thing:

I didn't have a lot of time, will add more songs later!

UPDATE: More songs now added, I tag Charlene, Vern and Jason. Don't let me down, punks!

So I've been quiet for a while, and not really for any reason, other than lack of anything of interest to say.

The trip to SA is foremost in my mind right now. I'm looking for a good bikini, no easy task at the end of winter in the UK. My favourite jeans also gave up the ghost *sniff* so I'm looking to replace those in New York later in the year.

It's silly that you should become so attached to a pair of trousers, but I wore those jeans to death, literally. They were pricey (looks like I got ripped off when I bought them, my own bad for not doing proper research when buying them) but they were worth it in the long run and the substandard high street pair I've bought to tide me over don't even come close to feeling and looking as good. As a massive bargain hunter, this return on investment is hard to swallow. RIP my lovely lovely jeans.

I've also got a haircut in the pipeline.

This is probably why I haven't been blogging... not all that interesting...

Yours in boring jeans,

Nat x